A series of texts saved in my phone that are related to RPattz

The full title of this post is "A series of texts saved in my phone that are related to RPattz; or, For some reason Omer is operating under the misapprehension that I have straight boys in my actual life despite the considerable evidence, text-related alone, that would indicate otherwise."

Sarah (July 15, 4:55 PM): emergency: rpattz on wall street

Sarah (July 15, 5:06 PM): you can always just make fun of the crowd! ironic stalking! YOU WORK THERE YOU'RE ALLOWED

Sarah (July 15, 5:34 PM): don't forget to eat dinner. i don't want you to get drunk and tell everyone you stalked rpattz

(At some point around 6 I sent a mass text saying I saw RPattz, which I foolishly did not save; I will likely never again experience such triumph. Yes I left work to do this. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE including my boss told me to.)

Mike (July 15, 6:06 PM): Wtf get out

Alanty (July 15, 6:25 PM): FUCK YES!!! [side note: this was same text I got from Ninty when Obama got elected]

Omer (July 15, 7:41 PM): Fiona. Bring your straight boy friends to my really gay party on friday. Ok?! Robert pattinson will be there

Christine (July 15, 11:31 PM): That's awesome. Question--does he smell? On a scale of none to Bard what would you say it is?

Dad (July 20, 1:58 PM): Interesting! Nina told me u saw an actor frow [sic] Twilight