Now you don't have to read any erotic Twilight fanfic because this is exactly what it's like

Fiona: i just came across "pebbled" [nipples] in this fanfic. i'm so mad
Sarah: omg srsly??? what's WRONG WITH THEM
Fiona: they need to stop stealing from each other! at least be stupid in original ways
Fiona: just found a fic where bella's size 14 and edward loves her anyway. LOL LOL LOL SO UNREALISTIC
Sarah: i wish we had twilight audio books for the subway
Sarah: HAHAHHAHAHA NO OMG. SEND IT TO ME
Fiona: hahahaha i wish! there would be lolling all over the B/Q. also i only just found it and am on chapter one but it's rated M. FAT SEX
Sarah: bella, your thighs may be the size of christmas hams but they ARE my life now
Fiona: LOL GOING ON THE BLOG
Sarah: quick come up with a line that incorporates dust motes and stretch marks.
Fiona: I GAZED AT THE DUST MOTES FLOATING IN THE AFTERNOON SUNLIGHT AS IT STRUCK THE SPARKLING SKIN ON EDWARD'S HAND AS IT LOVINGLY CARESSED MY STRETCHMARKS
Fiona: HE TOOK ME BY THE HAND AND SAID "COME, I WANT TO TASTE YOU." MY NIPPLES PEBBLED AT THE THOUGHT AND MY HANDS FISTED IN HIS HAIR. HE GROANED AND SAID "YOU'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME"
Sarah: ...AND THIS WHOLE TIME I WAS FAT!