Sweet merciful jesus why

Fiona: fyi can't stop listening to neko case album you gave me. so good holy crap.
Sarah: iknowrite???mm?hywkywqhegw2 SO TIRED
Fiona: oh noooo. sorry i busted in kramer-style last night and dropped my keys in the echo chamber, forgot you'd be on couch.
Sarah: trust me you're the least of my problems
Fiona: that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me
Sarah: <3
Sarah: the fake rpattz and kstew relationship is fake over btw
Fiona: now's our chance to swoop in and scoop him up, if the pattinson pants lady or nutty madam hasn't gotten to him already

some time later

Fiona: ps james sent me rpattz cross stitch pattern from gawker. he knows me too well.

Newsflash everyone: Doctors aren't well-rounded (and peripherally are frequently dicks)

Alanty: also i just read a doc where a doctor used "there" instead of "their" and made an involuntary painface, sharp intake of breath, and said, oooooh
Fiona: DAMMIT JIM I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A COPY EDITOR
Alanty: HAHAHAHAHA SO GOOOOOOOOD
Alanty: GOING ON BLOG
Fiona: SRSLY
Alanty: i am sure it was just that he typed so speedily he wasn't thinking straight
Fiona: it must just be that he's so smart and his brain moves so fast his fangers can barely keep up, and curse this useless bag of flesh! so inaccurate and feeble! or at least we can hope as such.
Alanty: hahahaha useless bag of flesh
Fiona: in all seriousness though that's horrifying
Alanty: uh oh he also wrote "have lead"
Fiona: OH NOOOO

This week in erotic Twilight fanfic

Sarah: have been working all day for once. am now done and bored with an hour to go. just googled twilight fan fiction. sigh.
Fiona: hah i'm jealous. i'm not feeling well, came in at 1 to craziness, trying to weigh letting stuff sit around an extra day which really shouldn't or stay late
Sara: oh no SWINE FLU?
Fiona: prob not. maybe a cold? i hope!
Sarah: um. this stuff is making me FEEL WEIRD
Fiona: is it stirring strange desires and longings? FOR UNDYING LOVE? AND ROMANCE?
Sara: mostly for ice cold vampire sex

It is actsh way more boring than thatt

Alanty: LOTUS NOTES. i don't even know what that is, but i have heard of it and it makes me think of a buddha's published ruminations on meditation

YESSSSS

Fiona: friend! are you busy halloween? do you have any availability slash interest to see the misfits play at bb king's with me?
Ninty: 1 of 2: Holy balls! That sounds amazing! It would suck to miss halloween at bard, but can i really pass
Ninty: 2 of 2: up the misfits?!?!

Someday this blog will have things in addition to text transcripts. Someday.

Fiona: this outfit looks good but going to the bathroom is moidah
Alanty: oh no! is it made of leather pants and pulleys and an electric fence?
Fiona: hahaha almost! it's a layer of tights, then my tank top over that but tucked into a high waisted skirt. lots of over under action
Alanty: hahaha what's the over under on fionty being able to negotiate her outfit obstacle course before she pees her skirt?

A sandwich for the ages

Alanty: CHICKEN SALAD WITH BACON WHAT WHAAAAAT
Fiona: OMG YOU KNOW HOW TO LIVE
Alanty: GETTING SO FULL BUT THIS IS AWESOME. also the deli made it up. i can't take credit. i just asked for the #2. GUFFAW

Template jokes: it's what I do

Fiona: maybe this'll make them gimme a new computer cause mine is totes old
Alanty: OOH THEY BETTER! you do 90% of the work at that firm!
Fiona: hahaha disclaimer: figure may be inflated
Alanty: disclaimer: FUCK OFF EVERYBODY WHO DISPUTES THE INTEGRAL IMPORTANCE OF FIONTY TO THE DAILY OPERATIONS OF FRAGDEL ROCK
Fiona: that's my new fave joke set up-- the disclaimer. like we were watching "to be fat like me" on lifetime and some character said "i don't care what you looked like you were confident so i like you" or whatev and i was like "disclaimer: depiction of teenage boy not accurate"

It always comes back to vamps

Sarah: cuz when i did that, there was a gross hand job involved and i don't want to see you make my mistakes
Sarah: (p.s. oh god, my life....)
Fiona: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. i knew you made out with the nebbishy guy. i din't know about the hj! WAS IT THE SAME GUY? YOU ARE TELLING ME THIS STORY LATER. our lives should be made into a movie.
Sarah: oh it was the nebbishy guy. with the gross diabetic cat and the horrible apartment. oh god thinking about his naked lower half makes me srsly vom in my mouth
Fiona: OH MAN OH MAN OH MAN I'M LOLLING ALL OVER MY CUBE
Sarah: glad its fun for someone! (besides him.) also i'm so glad this will surely make it to your blog
Fiona: HAHA i'm not that big of a bitch. unless you're cool with it
Sarah: oh i don't care. it could be way worse. it could involve candles, a lock of hair, a book of spells, and us weekly's sexy stars of twilight
Fiona: hahahaha how did you know about my plans for after reality bites???? ps did i show you my vampire bite freckles? i got embarrassingly excited when i noticed them, which i can't believe took me so long
Sarah: yes fiona. you showed me your vampire freckles
Fiona: haha oh shit

[several hours later]

Fiona: wait did he remove his pants entirely? i've been dying thinking about this for 2 hours.
Sarah: yup. pants off. i'm trying to think of the mechanics of how that happened but i think i honestly blocked it from memory.